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Just when the popular kids were starting to accept me, I let them realize how much I appreciated it and they dropped me like a big dog dropping a steaming pile of shit on a cold winter’s day.
No I’m talking about anybody in particular, it’s worse; I’m talking about an algorithm. I happened to mention that I was number #6 when you Google my name and poof! They moved me to page 5 and then somewhere past page 10. And let's face it, if you're past 3 you might as well be one page 1,000,000.
Well never again Google, never again will I confess my love for you out loud. What does your bitch-ass have to say about that?
I know what I'll do. I’ll call you every name in the book, smack you around a little, treat Ike treated Tina and you’ll come running right back to me I just know it.
We’ll see Google, We’ll see.
And by the way, the reason Douglas Thomas Wallace should be listed at the top of page one on your site is because really, who's going to Google Douglas Thomas Wallace. The only person who would do that would be Douglas Thomas Wallace himself.
Also Bob Marley Never Smoked Pot should be listed there too, because everyone knows Bob Marley did in fact smoke pot, so Bob Marley Never Smoked Pot, which is the name of this blog, should be listed on page 1 too. In case someone is actually reading this rant, Bob Marley Never Smoked Pot is the title I gave to an essay I wrote when I tried telling my stepdad that Bob Marley never smoked pot...in my defense I was about 13 and didn't know any better.
Here's a post with Bob Marley telling talking about his own philosphy on the herb.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Flash Fiction and Short-Short Stories
Flash Fiction and Short-Short Stories are also sometimes called Micro-fiction or Sudden Fiction. Usually the parameters are that the stories are less than 1000 words and they have the classic story elements: a protagonist, conflict, a dilemma of some sort and resolution.
There are several books out there on Flash Fiction. The first one I read was called
Flash Fiction 72 Very Short Stories edited by James Thomas, Denise Thomas and Tom Hazuka.
The second book I got in this style was called Micro Fiction An Anthology of Really Short Stories, edited by Jerome Stern who was a Professor in English at Florida State University. At the time, the stories had to be, “about 250 words long.”
Stern died in 1996 but The Southeast Review published by FSU has a contest every year called The World’s Best Short-Short. I think they’ve increased the word count to 500 words or less. I happen to like the 250 word stories better.
Another type of Flash Fiction is called 55 Fiction which is a term coined by New Times founder and publisher Steve Moss. The name of his book is The World’s Shortest Stories. In the 55 Fiction genre requires the story to has to be 55 words or less, not including the title. You need to be Ginsu-knife precise to write a story in 55 words or less. Often 55- stories usually have a last sentence shock or a surprise in the last sentence that completely changes the story.
Steve Moss has passed away since his book was first published, but the 55 words or less genre copyright is still owned by Moss's family. It seems spooky to me that two of the major contributors to the Flash Fiction genre have already passed away. Both of their lives were like their work, short and to the point.
Here’s my very own 55 Fiction story:
Death for Breakfast
He sat down at the breakfast table and stared DEATH in the face. His eyes drifted off into the whiteness of the bowl, DEATH floated inches from his eyes.
I’m too young for this crap, he thought to himself.
“Honey,” he yelled. “Don’t ever buy Alphabet Cereal again.”
…if you count’em you’ll notice it was only 51 words; including the title.
There are several books out there on Flash Fiction. The first one I read was called
Flash Fiction 72 Very Short Stories edited by James Thomas, Denise Thomas and Tom Hazuka.
The second book I got in this style was called Micro Fiction An Anthology of Really Short Stories, edited by Jerome Stern who was a Professor in English at Florida State University. At the time, the stories had to be, “about 250 words long.”
Stern died in 1996 but The Southeast Review published by FSU has a contest every year called The World’s Best Short-Short. I think they’ve increased the word count to 500 words or less. I happen to like the 250 word stories better.
Another type of Flash Fiction is called 55 Fiction which is a term coined by New Times founder and publisher Steve Moss. The name of his book is The World’s Shortest Stories. In the 55 Fiction genre requires the story to has to be 55 words or less, not including the title. You need to be Ginsu-knife precise to write a story in 55 words or less. Often 55- stories usually have a last sentence shock or a surprise in the last sentence that completely changes the story.
Steve Moss has passed away since his book was first published, but the 55 words or less genre copyright is still owned by Moss's family. It seems spooky to me that two of the major contributors to the Flash Fiction genre have already passed away. Both of their lives were like their work, short and to the point.
Here’s my very own 55 Fiction story:
Death for Breakfast
He sat down at the breakfast table and stared DEATH in the face. His eyes drifted off into the whiteness of the bowl, DEATH floated inches from his eyes.
I’m too young for this crap, he thought to himself.
“Honey,” he yelled. “Don’t ever buy Alphabet Cereal again.”
…if you count’em you’ll notice it was only 51 words; including the title.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Goo-Goo For Google
Without doing much with my new blog, I already reached number #6 when you Google Douglas Thomas Wallace. Then I realized, who in the hell is going to do that? So I’m going to try a different tactic. I’m going to try signing my blog with just Douglas Wallace and see what happens.
What the hell does this have to do with anything, you might be asking? I’m trying an experiment on Search Engine Optimization, not knowing a thing about it. And since no one is reading this right now anyway, it really doesn’t matter.
Douglas Wallace
What the hell does this have to do with anything, you might be asking? I’m trying an experiment on Search Engine Optimization, not knowing a thing about it. And since no one is reading this right now anyway, it really doesn’t matter.
Douglas Wallace
Friday, November 13, 2009
IT at its finest
This is exactly what it feels like talking to our IS/IT department. Although, if you're looking at this right now, please forgive me and don't turn off my computer.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Bloggers could be fined $11000 by the FTC. Is paid speech still free?
Bloggers could be fined $11000 by the FTC.
This excerpt is from an article published by Slate.com, “The FTC put bloggers on notice that they could incur an $11,000 fine if they receive free goods, free services, or money and write about the goods or services without conspicuously disclosing their "material connection" to the provider. The FTC guidelines extend even to Facebook and Twitter posters.”
So is speech that's paid for still considered free speech? Apparently the FTC doesn't feel that it's free if you get paid for it.
I will say, for the record, that I have not been paid by anyone, for anything, on this blog. But if you would like to pay me, for anything, please contact me through this blog. All donations will be given to my wife and our needy child fund.
For the full article from Slate.com please click on the link http://www.slate.com/id/2231808/
This excerpt is from an article published by Slate.com, “The FTC put bloggers on notice that they could incur an $11,000 fine if they receive free goods, free services, or money and write about the goods or services without conspicuously disclosing their "material connection" to the provider. The FTC guidelines extend even to Facebook and Twitter posters.”
So is speech that's paid for still considered free speech? Apparently the FTC doesn't feel that it's free if you get paid for it.
I will say, for the record, that I have not been paid by anyone, for anything, on this blog. But if you would like to pay me, for anything, please contact me through this blog. All donations will be given to my wife and our needy child fund.
For the full article from Slate.com please click on the link http://www.slate.com/id/2231808/
Hugh Laurie before he was Dr. House
Long before he was Dr. House, Hugh Laurie played on various comedy shows in England.
I think I like him more as a dark, depressed genius with an American accent better.
I think I like him more as a dark, depressed genius with an American accent better.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
David Sedaris on David Letterman - Stadium Pal
David Sedaris is a Rock Star in the literary world. Humor is one of the hardest genres to write in and David Sedaris is a true master of the form. Sedaris can take a sow's ear and turn it into a silk purse weaving his wares with the keyboard.
Here is David Sedaris on Letterman describing the Stadium Pal. Now those lines for the bathroom shouldn't be a problem.
Here is David Sedaris on Letterman describing the Stadium Pal. Now those lines for the bathroom shouldn't be a problem.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Where the Wild Things Are
I'm not sure about making a movie out of a childrens classic story. I don't remember it working out well for Mike Myers, but maybe that's just me.
I loved Where the Wild Things Are as a kid. But here's what I think it could have easily looked like if it were written today.
I loved Where the Wild Things Are as a kid. But here's what I think it could have easily looked like if it were written today.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Harley Hearse - One Last Ride
Yesterday I went to my cousin's funeral. I knew he was a biker but didn't realize that so many bikers knew him. Here is a picture of a similar Harley Hearse that carted him down the rode for one last ride.
William Prosser-RIP.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
The Lowdown on Lowbrow
I've always loved tattoos, rockabilly and Kustom Kulture. Here's the Lowdown on Lowbrow from artists who've been doing it before it was trendy. Listening to these artists help me to stay on track with my own goals and not worry about if other people get it. And that's ok because sometimes I don't even get it. Enjoy.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Goal Setting--Enjoy the Process
Enjoy the Process
There’s no reason to rush a process. Rushing just gets you more busy-ness not business. You can try to stay on track but occasionally you’ll be all over the place. You have to get focused.
There’s a poster hanging on the wall right outside my office that says, “Winners have to have two things, a clearly defined goal and an overwhelming desire to achieve it.”
The only way to achieve a goal is by getting focused. One way of getting focused is by doing something everyday that gets you closer to your goal. Whether it’s reading a book on a topic relating to your business idea, talking to someone in the industry, or doing research on-line, take some step toward your goal everyday.
A way to keep yourself on track is by making a list. At the beginning of the week sit down and make a list of what goals you what to get accomplished for that week. What problem do I want to solve? Who do I need to talk to? Where can I find this person?
Sometimes you have to do things in a certain order to complete the process. If you were making a cheeseburger at home, you would first make a patty. Then you would cook it. Once the patty was cooked, you’d get your slice of cheese and put it on top of the burger to let the cheese melt. Then you’d get your bun out, put the burger on the bun and get the condiments and put them on top.
You wouldn’t put catsup on the raw meat, and then fry it up with the lettuce, cheese and bun thrown in the skillet. That wouldn’t make any sense, right?
Sometimes we want to skip stepping stones in the process. We want to go from being a corrections officer to a published author, coach and international speaker within a week. We all know you can’t do that.
You have to go through the process, learn new skills, try new things and even fail at new things. The more you try, the better prepared you are for later when it all finally comes together.
Getting there is the fun part, even though it may feel like some of the most unnoticed, non-paying, “Why am I doing this for?” kind of work that you’ll ever do in your life.
Later you’ll realize that you can’t rush the process. When you look at people’s careers, they didn’t know that they would end up where they did. But past experiences built on each other and the foundations were in place so when opportunities came their way they were ready for them.
Action for the day: Do something that gets you closer to dream today. Anything. And don’t forget, you can’t rush the process but you can take steps everyday to get you closer to your goal.
There’s no reason to rush a process. Rushing just gets you more busy-ness not business. You can try to stay on track but occasionally you’ll be all over the place. You have to get focused.
There’s a poster hanging on the wall right outside my office that says, “Winners have to have two things, a clearly defined goal and an overwhelming desire to achieve it.”
The only way to achieve a goal is by getting focused. One way of getting focused is by doing something everyday that gets you closer to your goal. Whether it’s reading a book on a topic relating to your business idea, talking to someone in the industry, or doing research on-line, take some step toward your goal everyday.
A way to keep yourself on track is by making a list. At the beginning of the week sit down and make a list of what goals you what to get accomplished for that week. What problem do I want to solve? Who do I need to talk to? Where can I find this person?
Sometimes you have to do things in a certain order to complete the process. If you were making a cheeseburger at home, you would first make a patty. Then you would cook it. Once the patty was cooked, you’d get your slice of cheese and put it on top of the burger to let the cheese melt. Then you’d get your bun out, put the burger on the bun and get the condiments and put them on top.
You wouldn’t put catsup on the raw meat, and then fry it up with the lettuce, cheese and bun thrown in the skillet. That wouldn’t make any sense, right?
Sometimes we want to skip stepping stones in the process. We want to go from being a corrections officer to a published author, coach and international speaker within a week. We all know you can’t do that.
You have to go through the process, learn new skills, try new things and even fail at new things. The more you try, the better prepared you are for later when it all finally comes together.
Getting there is the fun part, even though it may feel like some of the most unnoticed, non-paying, “Why am I doing this for?” kind of work that you’ll ever do in your life.
Later you’ll realize that you can’t rush the process. When you look at people’s careers, they didn’t know that they would end up where they did. But past experiences built on each other and the foundations were in place so when opportunities came their way they were ready for them.
Action for the day: Do something that gets you closer to dream today. Anything. And don’t forget, you can’t rush the process but you can take steps everyday to get you closer to your goal.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Bob Marley Never Smoked Pot
Hey, hey, hey...it's Douglas Thomas Wallace and thank you for stopping by my little corner of the world.
Bob Marley Never Smoked Pot was taken from a title of a short story of mine. I'm going to use the title for a collection of short-stories and I assumed it would be appropriate for this blog.
How did the title came about? My step dad had asked me why I like listening to reggae music so much. "Is it because you smoke pot like Bob Marley?"
My response was, "Bob Marley never smoked pot!" They say ignorance is bliss, but at the time I really didn't know.
I like humor, lowbrow and knuckle-sandwiches to the noggin. I'm also interested in all things writing, marketing and a million other things that catch my interest. Check back later to get your daily dose of delight--although it might actually be closer to a weekly dose--and at bare minimum, a monthly dose.
Bob Marley Never Smoked Pot was taken from a title of a short story of mine. I'm going to use the title for a collection of short-stories and I assumed it would be appropriate for this blog.
How did the title came about? My step dad had asked me why I like listening to reggae music so much. "Is it because you smoke pot like Bob Marley?"
My response was, "Bob Marley never smoked pot!" They say ignorance is bliss, but at the time I really didn't know.
I like humor, lowbrow and knuckle-sandwiches to the noggin. I'm also interested in all things writing, marketing and a million other things that catch my interest. Check back later to get your daily dose of delight--although it might actually be closer to a weekly dose--and at bare minimum, a monthly dose.
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